Where do I fit?
Is there a place for me where the talents that God has given me can be of use to the local church as well as the community?
How do I discover where that place is?
I thought that with the position at Coastal Horizons, all the above had been answered. It seemed a perfect fit and I rejoiced that the opportunities for witnessing combined with serving a population that was often treated as modern-day lepers was a calling from heaven. My first few weeks were rough ones as my insecurity (am I the only one who is lost in the maze of acronyms and language everyone else uses so casually?) and fear had me almost pushing many (most?) of those there away from me. It was hard for me to trust anyone or to depend on what I was told; sadly, I began identifying with the clients more than my co-workers.
After several counseling sessions with supervisor staff over this, it seemed that my focus was shifting. One client however seemed rather adept at getting inside my head and managed to get me to do almost anything she wanted to the detriment of the other clients. Amazingly, I would justify it in different ways, but really there was no justifying it. The end result was that I was fired for cause and, at age 67, found myself unemployed with little to no prospects.
As with throwing away a career as a nurse and paramedic; having done the same with a possible career with Coastal Horizons, I really had no idea what to do or where to look. When The Bridge Church announced they were looking for a Pastor for Discipleship I did, for a time, think about that. Perhaps were I ten years younger that would be a possibility, but hopefully there may be something else I can do to help whoever is selected to fill that role?
At this point I just am not sure. With the surgery coming up and the uncertainty of that (yeah, having holes drilled in my skull isn’t something I am looking forward to, or wires threaded into my thalamus for that matter…wonder if I’ll be able to pick up any radio stations?). This specific procedure has been done hundreds of time with few incidents, but there is Mr. Murphy and his bloody Laws.
That is part of it, isn’t it? Perhaps this uncertainty is wondering if there will be a need to be concerned about needing to find something to do after February 12th…
As with this world and the craziness that seems to have taken control of it, the only real comfort I can find is that my King is still on His throne. Just so, whatever happens on February 12th (or any other day), I am his child and, as Moses put it so well;
“The eternal God is your dwelling place,
And underneath are the everlasting arms.”
Deuteronomy33:27
And underneath are the everlasting arms.”
Deuteronomy33:27
The journey continues...
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