I’ve had several people through the years since my release from prison speak to how much I remind them of Joseph whose life is shared in Genesis 38 and following. Both of us spent time in prison, though in my case not because I was wrongly accused or convicted. No, other than some prison time, there is little to no comparison between Joseph and me.
During a praise and worship service at the Bridge Church tonight as God had begun working on me, it was all too apparent that in light of my recent walk with Christ, I was more like the person spoken of in the hymn, “Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing,” all to prone to wander. Time and again I have walked (jumped, run, fled) from that first love that so sustained me through many a dark time in prison. Why? Excuses are many, but no real reason other than wanting somehow to hold onto at least a part of the old Tony.
One particular failure on my part continues to rear its ugly head; lust. I’ve spoken with Pastor Chris about this and even have gone so far as to install “Covenant Eyes” on my computers and phone, but though I don’t look at porn anymore the ‘hook’ remains buried deeply in my heart. As long as I remain focused on the Word or have activities that keep me going, it isn’t a problem. But, as another person from Scripture found and whom is a far better comparison with me (at least in this one instance) is David.
“Then it happened, in the spring, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him and all Israel, and they destroyed the sons of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David stayed at Jerusalem.”
2 Samuel 11:1 NASB (emphasis added)
2 Samuel 11:1 NASB (emphasis added)
Note that instead of going with Israel, leading his people into war as a king should, David remained in Jerusalem. No big deal, right?
“Now when evening came David arose from his bed and walked around on the roof of the king’s house, and from the roof he saw a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful in appearance. So David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, ‘Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?’”
Samuel 11:2,3 NASB (emphasis added)
Bad enough that David had skipped out on his duty as king to lead Israel into battle, but as the above verses indicate, he not only stayed in Jerusalem, he also lived an indolent lifestyle while his army and people were away at war. Getting up “…when evening came…” shows he must’ve been partying hardy the night before and was sleeping off the effects, or he was just being lazy. Surely there were duties he could have attended to, even if the army was gone and with it many of his officials. But no, David slept in and then just wandered out on the roof of the palace (no air-conditioning, so perhaps a means of escaping the heat that had. Built up within the palace by walking along the parapet outside to catch the evening breeze. Scripture doesn’t go into his thoughts before he espied Bathsheba, but I have to wonder if he was surveying his capital and perhaps taking the credit for all God had done to bring him to this point (much as Nebuchadnezzar did some years later).
Even if David was only out there to enjoy the air and perhaps composing a new worship song, once his eye just happened to pass over and see Bathsheba bathing on the roof of the home she shared with Uriah, all thoughts of praise to God disappeared! Even when his servants pointed out to him that she was one of faithful soldier’s wife, even then he summoned her to the palace.
For myself, idleness and the all-too-readily available pornography (or even the explosion of salacious material in ads or on television) led my heart from my King over and over. This is a war which continues to defy my most fervent prayers and the seed for this goes all the way back to when I was in third grade, living outside Virginia Beach, VA. Hilltop Manor was a nice neighborhood in which my Dad and Mom bought a home for us to live in while Dad was stationed at Oceana Naval Air Station and on the U.S.S. Forrestal, CVA-59. Lots of woods surrounded this development and many of us kids (including my two brothers and I) kept ourselves busy becoming all manner of heroes in our imaginations.
One day my Dad asked me to go to our next-door neighbor’s house to see if he was finished with a tool Dad had lent him. I rang their doorbell, and when his wife told me he was out in his tool shed off the carport, I ran out to that and when I noticed he was there stepped to the door. What met my eyes, much as David’s) was a panoply of what to this 8-year old boy, the most beautiful women in the world, all without clothes (or clothes artfully draped without covering anything). I am not sure how long I stood there mouth agape until the neighbor noticed me. He did manage to get me to tell him why I was there and handed me the tool to return to my Dad. Those images remain with me to this day, and the far too many that I’ve viewed since then.
“Covenant Eyes” is an excellent piece of software that has enabled me at least to not add to the images already in my brain. Sadly, however, when my own inactivity gives me opportunity, I too take a walk and find myself replaying those images. As with David and so many before and after him have discovered, eyes are indeed the window to the soul. For man, eyes seem to be able to bypass the roadblocks to sin that the Spirit can erect within our hearts. Successes in this battle do come, thankfully even with an increasing frequency, but it is a war that will continue until I leave this jar of clay.
I ask for your prayers for myself as well as for all the ‘David’s’ you know.
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