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Disappointment or Relief?

2/22/2019

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As my brain s-l-o-w-l-y recovers from the trauma of the surgery of last week (as I write this, 1 week ago I was still in the OR and would be for several hours for the initial stage of the DBS surgery last [the 12th of February]), some tasks become easier.  The Bridge Church, where Kathy and I worship, had listed a position, Pastor of Discipleship, and I was thinking of applying when the surgery intervened and pretty much shut down my ability to do much but mumble and shuffle.      I knew my time was limited and had prayed about it and expressed my interest; the rest was up to the Great Physician and whether he knew this was a position for me for now.

Today, February 19th, I felt enough ‘connections’ had been made in my brain that I could proceed with the application and so had gathered (electronically) my resume, references and a letter of intent (painstakingly typed out and corrected) and had saved all to a file to download once I arrived at The Bridge Church.  As I am still not able to drive, Kathy drove (she did not know about my preparations, only thought we were going to drop in to chat about the position.

We entered the office, and I asked about the feasibility of applying only to be told (very gently!) that because the applicant pool had been fill, the position was no longer listed.

Now I’ll be honest, I did feel disappointment.  It was a lot of work for this dinged brain of mine to put all that together (especially on my phone!) but overriding that was a wash of RELIEF!  I don’t know if I’m cut out to be a point man, but as I told Christina, I DO look forward to ‘holding the towel’ or helping in any fashion whomever the elders of The Bridge Church selects for this position.  My prayers will be with them in the coming weeks as the process moves forward.

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From the beginning of my walk with Christ, even while in prison, I have felt my place was in a supporting role, not necessarily in leadership.  Over and over again this has been emphasized in a variety of ways, and this seems to have confirmed it.  I love discipling others younger in the faith, but not as THE point man for the Community.  My ‘thing’ in the parking lot (once I get over my Attilla the Hun act with help from my so-called Padawan Tyler[ a work in progress that perhaps the scrambling of brain cells will help?}) has helped me to really enjoy welcoming folks to The Bridge Church.  In a small way, through this service, God enables me to be a bridge to The Bridge Church and no matter the weather I hope I can reflect His Light and Love to all even as I ask them to park somewhere else.

Servant; as my King washed the apostle's feet, can I do less?  I love my calling as a doulos.
 
The journey continues…

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    Former submarine sailor, paramedic and nurse who journeys toward the horizon ever hopeful, though at times less sure, of reaching that far place.  

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