“Get over it!”

I’ve heard that many a time; have to confess to saying it myself at times either directed toward myself or some other person.  Life can hurt, but to be successful it seems important to put a brave face on and ‘soldier on’; to keep on no matter how you may feel.  I’ve done this for years, I thought somewhat successfully, until this past weekend when Kathy and I attended a workshop/seminar on Post Traumatic Stress and the impact it has on lives.

William Tecumseh Sherman once opined regarding war,

“I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation. War is hell.”

One of the speakers, a Marine combat veteran, stated it rather succinctly when he said that war kills the soul of any who participate in the hell that is all too real for those who have ‘seen the elephant,’ a descriptive phrase attributed to first being used in the mid to late 19th century as a way of describing someone who has encountered something (usually combat) that results in overwhelming emotion and disturbance. 

War twists the psyche in unimaginable ways, often not surfacing for years or even decades when sleep disturbances, bursts of anger, paranoia and hyper-awareness can turn an apparent normal person into a quivering echo of their former self.  It will take you where you do not want to go, but you cannot gainsay it’s overwhelming command and find yourself watching almost from a third person viewpoint as you either explode or implode.

Thankfully there is help, really only one solution for the horrific damage that war does to people.  That solution, the only real hope for any so afflicted is to recognize your inability to handle it and to seek help outside of yourself. 

Gary Cunha is the Suicide Prevention Coordinator for the Department of Veteran’s Affairs; his task is monumental because as of today we are losing one veteran to suicide every 62 minutes.  He spoke on the spiritual component of obtaining help, of experiencing hope in the midst of despair.  While speaking to experienced counsellors like Gary will help, there is only one solution to bring light into such dark places.

If you are a veteran, you are not alone.  No matter what may have happened to you, there is help readily available through the Veterans Crisis Line.  Call 1-800-273-8255, press 1 and you will have a ready ear who does understand to share your burdens.  For those who have not served; please, pray for our military and veterans and thank God that you have been shielded from the horror and hell that is war by those who volunteer to face it for you.

“This day is called the feast of Crispian:

He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,

Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,

And rouse him at the name of Crispian.

He that shall live this day, and see old age,

Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,

And say ‘Tomorrow is Saint Crispian:’

Then he will strip his sleeve and show his scars.

And say ‘These wounds I had on Crispin’s day.’

Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,

But he’ll remember with advantages

What feats he did that day…

And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,

From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remember’d;

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

For he to-day that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,

This day shall gentle his condition

And gentlemen in England now a-bed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks

That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.”

King Henry V, Act 4. Scene III by William Shakespeare

 

There is a brotherhood among those who have ‘seen the elephant’ in its many guises; my own service in submarines provided one particular episode on my first patrol that I’m still not sure whether I can discuss it publically, but that those who were there can and should stand tall as we did our duty that day at risk of our lives and all we hold dear.  The biggest enemy we had in the boats was the ever-present, implacable sea whose pressure always sought to force a way into our steel tube, but the Soviets and their allies provided some moments of challenge as well.

For my brothers who fought our nations’ enemies in other areas as well as those who stand facing our enemies today, may the reading of the speech attributed to King Henry V by Shakespeare give you courage and well-earned pride at your service.  Liberty is costly; those who enjoy the freedom that is theirs by right as citizens of the United States are debtors (acknowledged or no) to those who have once written a blank check to the government, especially who cashed out in their blood.

 

 

In a recent lesson at the Chapel Hill Bible Church, James Abrahamson while teaching on ethics used a quote from the movie, Saving Private Ryan, where the central character asks his wife this question, “Did I live a good life?” A very poignant question in light of how just previously in the movie (a flashback to events in which Ryan was rescued by a platoon led by an officer played by Tom Hanks, of whom most had been killed during the effort to find Ryan) Captain Miller (played by Tom Hanks) lay dying of his wounds, he grabs Ryan and tells him, “Earn it!” referring to the sacrifices of his men who were killed ensuring he would return home.

This hammered me as few things could; I've seen the movie and did not recall either quote, but looking back online saw that these two quotes did indeed occur, the turmoil they have caused within my own heart is beyond description.  These two brief sentences seemed to highlight a struggle I've had recently; on one part I recognize that nothing I can do can earn the grace God has given me in Christ, but how to answer the question that the older Ryan asks his wife?  Dare I ask that of anyone, even myself?

I did serve in the military; both in the Navy as a nuclear-trained electrician mainly on board a ballistic missile submarine and in the Army Reserve as a field medic while going to school at UNC.  My career as a nurse and paramedic were abbreviated by an egregious decision which led to my being incarcerated following my causing a patient’s death in ICU.  To many (most it seems considering how I have remained unemployed since my release) that one decision erases all the ‘good’ that I've ever done.  As I related this once to a friend, it seems the feeling among the vast majority of folks is “…once convicted, always condemned!” 

So, how would I answer the question Ryan asked his wife?  How would those who know me answer it?  Dare I ask it?

 

It always amazes me the selflessness of those who come through the RDU Center of the USO of North Carolina; many have served multiple tours in combat, yet they seem embarrassed by the simplest praise or thanks we give them for that service.  How different the response of those that most of society heaps adulation upon; they not only expect it, they are often upset and voice their displeasure openly that their ‘due’ is not given them!  Why this difference between those pseudo-heroes of stage and screen versus those whose lives are in jeopardy; why the incredible hutzpah versus the incredible humility?For those who have ‘seen the elephant’ (in its’ various forms), there is a gratitude that one has survived the experience and any adulation accorded to them is rather unnerving; call it survivors’ guilt or some such term, but it is unmistakable that our heroes do not see themselves as such. They state “I was just doing my job” and wonder at all the attention we seek to lavish upon them in sharp contrast to the stars of the ‘action movie’ genre who take themselves altogether too seriously.  One particularly egregious example that comes to mind is when a particular ‘heroic’ actor opined that his work on a particular movie was akin to serving in combat in Afghanistan!  Another actor, Mark Wahlberg, took him to task and law suits were threatened over Mr. Wahlberg’s comments about the other actors’ inane comments.

The real heroes just shrug such nonsense off, but the wounding must be there as I can recall an incident where I was returning from a trip to the ‘elephant’ and while approaching the TWA counter at San Francisco International was spat on three times.  Thankfully I did restrain my anger, but remember feeling shame at wearing my country’s uniform and that feeling lasted for years!  One of the reasons I volunteer with the USO-NC is to ensure that our heroes are treated as such and I really enjoy doing this.

So, I guess my point to all of this is to keep it real people!  Honor those who have and are serving and when you hear the folks from Hollywood speaking of their ‘sacrifices’ to bring the public, give them the attention they are due…the sound of crickets and silence.

                             

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