It has been a bit over three years since I was released from prison; in that time I have applied to over 400 different jobs with little to show for it other than the expenditure of time and, hopefully, a growing sense of reliance on God’s provision of grace and patience.  I have continued working part-time on a very episodic schedule with Measurement Incorporated as a Reader/Evaluator and, while the work is usually fairly interesting, there usually isn't a lot of work to be had (last year my total income from that position was less than $4,000).

Recently it seemed that I was being pushed in a different direction; I had no idea what that direction would be, but began examining other options than a full-time position in some business or company.  As many of you can recall from earlier blogs, I have continued to volunteer with the USO-NC and Our Children’s Place including in those venues my growing skills as a photographer.  I had considered for a time beginning a small business in photography, but elected not to pursue that as it seemed that some other employment would certainly come along. 

When a friend who has a property management firm in the area asked if I’d be interested in doing the listing photos for him, I began to reconsider my reticence of entering the photography business; having a Realtor I met at Fitness World ask me the same question seemed to cement the idea in my mind and heart and so I have begun the process of getting this going.

Several have agreed to help me with advice and I've also begun searching to find what kind of help the VA can provide for my launching Tony’s Take Photography.  Completing the Coalition of Prison Evangelists Mid Atlantic conference in Greensboro as their photographer and receiving some great feedback from them concerning the images I captured while there has served to further hearten me.  It promises to be an adventure, all part of my journey Home.

Stay tuned.

One of the cats with whom we share our home (rather from their viewpoint, who allow us to live in their home and meet their needs) is C.J. who, like the others, is a rescue cat.  When Kathy picked her up she was full of worms and the treatment to rid her body of these pests was rather extensive and somewhat neuro-toxic.  Her behavior is at times ‘different’, but in general she does fine and is an adorable addition to our home.

She is rather insecure though; this morning during my morning reading, she seemed hesitant to approach me even when I called to her.  I finally got down on the floor and picked her up and spoke to her with what I hoped was an encouraging tone of voice.  She did seem to relax for a time, but soon wanted down and walked some distance away to lay down.

Isn't this a picture of our relationship with God?  We too are damaged goods hesitant, even fearful of approaching the One who loves us more than we’ll ever understand in this life; He loves us and wants us to be with Him now and forever but we hesitate, flinching back from His embrace as though He were going to strike us. 

We all are damaged goods, broken by decisions made by our far distant ancestors Adam and Eve when they chose the appeal of Lucifer’s lure over the promises of God; we all too frequently replicate that decision, turning from the God who loves us to embrace the dubious comfort of the world and its pleasures.  Why do we flee from the One who has demonstrated His love unequivocally? 

I have hopes that one day C.J. will accept my love for her; God as well seeks the day when we clearly embrace His love and will continue to reach out to us even more than I seek to demonstrate my care for C.J.  

Something I’ve heard many times (a few directed at me even) is a colloquial way of lauding some person’s achievement or skill by saying, “You da man!”  It is intended in those settings as a compliment for what the person has done or accomplished, but the first time it is recorded as being used in history; the intent was very different.

In my reading from D.A. Carson’s blog on The Gospel Coalition, one of the Scriptures was 2 Samuel 12; the preceding chapter illustrates how the Bible does get real with the men and women whose lives it records to teach us; here we see what most would think a recording of David’s life would ‘photoshop’ out as it reveals this beloved servant of God living a life of indolence instead of leadership, such idleness that set him up for the temptation that would mar the record of his life.

David attempts to cover over his sin (how those in the court must’ve initially snickered at his perfidy, then gasped in shock at the lengths he was willing to go in his attempt to use his authority as the king of Israel to make this embarrassment go away), but the end of 2 Samuel 11 tells us that “…the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.”

God sends Nathan to confront David and the prophet weaves a story to illustrate the sin he is there to confront.  David listens to the story and becomes enraged at the injustice of the rich man stealing the poor man’s lamb, but then his rage turns to shock as Nathan’s bony finger points directly at David as Nathan declares, “…you are the man!”  Keep in mind that as king of Israel David could have ordered the prophet executed for daring to accuse him; thankfully that is not a direction David chose as he instead confesses and repents before the prophet and all of the court his rebellion and sin.  Note also that the consequences of his sin remain even though the sin has been forgiven; that is something that I am all too familiar with in my own life as well.

David’s heart which had grown hard and cold toward God had that covering shattered by the prophet confronting him; he penned Psalm 51 after this confrontation which illustrates how, even as he lived the rest of his life with the consequences of his sin, his focus and joy were once again upon the God who loves him.

There are no modern-day prophets like Nathan to stick their bony finger in our faces, but God does bring conviction to those who will listen to that “…still, small voice…”; are we listening for that voice or have we drowned Him out in the cacophony of our busy lives? 

As those who are regular readers of this blog already know, I have been seeking employment for some time now (since May of 2011 when I was released from prison) with little to show for it other than some temporary, part-time positions here and there.  It has been frustrating (there’s an understatement!), but I’ve kept most of my sanity because of my faith, my beloved Kathy and some incredible friends.

Recently I’ve had an offer from two different Realtors about my capturing images of their properties and, while I’d not thought of doing this before, it seems a great match for my growing abilities as a photographer as well as my interest in adding to the household budget and still be able to control my time so I can continue spending time at Fitness World as well as my various volunteer activities. 

I’ve had some preliminary talks with those more experienced in the business world and have even ordered some business cards.  No plans to form an LLC yet; that definitely seems premature, but again have several folks who can help me with that once that day comes.  I was struggling with what to call my business and just had a block on anything until Kathy suggested Tony’s Take Photography.  It seems to work as I will be able to write about it on my blog and, perhaps one day make a web site just for the business.

As with my other posts, this one is just another saga in my journey Home; I’ll keep you posted about how it is going so stay tuned.

“Hurry Up!”

There are many around me that seem in some kind of rush to get somewhere; there have been far too many times when I too have fallen to the lie that a frenetic pace is mandatory in life today.  Modern technology regarding transportation, communication and just enabling us to “multi-task” seem to push us to do more in less time than ever thought possible.  Hurry, hurry, get it done and move on to the next task or duty; never stopping until we lie in a casket, cold and dead, no longer in a rush to do anything, but far too late to enjoy everything.

I've been listening to Chuck Swindoll in his series on the life of Abraham and over and over again the theme of quietness and being still comes through the teachings and the Scripture cited.  God tells us to “…be still and know that I am God..” (Psalm 46:10); there are 26 admonitions of this nature within the ESV, many referring to the same injunction in Psalm 46:10, that we are to cease from striving (the meaning in the Hebrew) and just know, that is revel and rest in the knowledge that we are not in charge, God is. 

Since my release in May of 2012, I have at times felt an almost impossible to resist urge to go on to my next application; to rush from one job fair or help meeting to another in the hopes that somebody would give me a chance at full-time, meaningful work and (dare I hope) a career.  Why this madness; why do I believe that such would be fulfilling in and of itself?  Yes, additional income would be wonderful and much appreciated by our budget (from the French word meaning to have more month than money), but is it necessary? 

During this time of enforced idleness I have wasted many hours in frivolous pursuits (the trap of the watching and re-watching of episodes of different programs I like [such as NCIS] or even ‘educational’ programs on National Geographic), all the while just sitting there like a bump on the proverbial log (or tuning into the log).  I have sought to justify this inactivity by pointing out my volunteer work with the USO-NC, Our Children’s Place, as well as searching for new venues to put my hours into in the area.  All these are great in and of themselves and I will continue in them at some level, but all were causing me to face outward from the One who loves me more than I could understand in this life.  Facing away from Him, even for a ‘good’ reason or cause, had me looking into darkness, but His gently persistent manner in speaking to me through such venues as Chuck Swindoll, different programs I’d catch on BBN and especially the teaching I receive on a weekly basis at the Chapel Hill Bible Church has helped me to realize that I can do these volunteer activities without facing away from God.  These can and should become a type of ministry and with that outlook I have found a new energy in that work that previously had been little more than a drudgery that I plodded through.

Additionally, with this and other forms of ministry that may be opening to me, I have also begun considering starting a business that will allow me to use my skills as a photographer (novice as they are in comparison to some that have been teaching me) to not only be a help to many of the above cited organizations, but also as a source of income for our family.  It’s exciting to see and feel how God is opening my heart and mind to these and other possibilities; I look forward to each day now with a joy that is hard to describe and I especially enjoy sharing my journey with others via this blog and other media. 

Thanks for sharing in this and for coming back to this blog; stay tuned, this could really start to get exciting!

“Life goes on.” 

I’ve heard this espoused by perhaps well-meaning folks when confronted with the pain others feel and, while it is true, it is rarely comforting to the person in the middle of a mess (even if the mess is of their own making).  I’ve had some who tell me to “…get over it!” and I would dearly love to do just that, if only I knew how.

Awakened this morning at 2:30 with both fears of what to do, where to go, how to move forward when the walls seem so damned impenetrable and tall as well as the chorus to a praise song from this Sunday’s service at the Chapel Hill Bible Church.  These two seemed to be circling each other in my mind; competing for preeminence in my heart reflecting the struggle I do have daily in ascertaining what God has planned for me.

I remember the naiveté with which I left prison in 2011; sure that with my educational background and desire to succeed that someone ‘out there’ would give me a shot.  One company with whom I’d been employed through the work release program at Orange Correctional continued to offer me episodic, temporary, part-time work (my average annual income from them so far comes to about $4,000), but full-time, meaningful work has eluded me since then despite over 400 resume’s submitted to different companies since my release.

Recently I thought I’d had a moment of clarity that seemed to be redirecting me in a direction I’d not considered, but that too seems to be coming up empty so far.  My wife continues to be the ‘majority share-holder’ in our home; I even applied for unemployment to try and supplement the meager offerings of Social Security I receive each month since ‘retiring’ in 2013, but was told by the Employment Security Commission that I had not earned enough income last year to qualify for unemployment this year!

It does seem that every time I think I feel I’m heading in the right direction, the walls appear and stymie any effort on my part to move forward.  Friends tell me to keep pushing and I will, for lack of anything else to do, but it would sure be a refreshing change to hear anything in this dark hallway I’m in other than my head butting up against one more wall.

The phrase that came to me this morning, “…trust and obey…” is from a hymn written by John Sammis in 1887, seems to resonate and perhaps that is a lesson I am learning/re-learning through this time of waiting.  I do have a hope that can carry me through this place I am in now and that will enable me to go on.

Stay tuned.

I HATE cancer! 

Yeah, I know; doesn't make a lot of sense to hate a disease (or in the case of cancer, panoply of diseases that can be characterized by that one title), but I do.  I HATE cancer! 

This Sword of Damocles that hangs over all of our heads has stolen from me my Father, several good friends; has threatened others I know and love with death and is an ever present companion in my life secondary to our wonderful government’s intentional exposure of our military to varying degrees of radiation during the atomic tests in the Pacific and in our own country.  My Dad was one whose aircraft was directed through one of the clouds mushrooming over some forgotten Pacific atoll and then followed through the years (surreptitiously) to determine the genetic and somatic effects of that exposure.

The reasoning must have seemed justifiable to those in power back then; this Cold War we were fighting against the growing power of the Soviet Union (hey, guess what, it’s baaaaack!) and apparently they wanted to learn if it was possible to survive a nuclear exchange.  So, years later, long after Dad had retired, he was diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer that would take his life several years later.  One of my sisters did some research on the genetic effects and as a result had her sons checked for something called Lynch Syndrome.  Several members of the Shook family have tested positive for this and as a result we are at elevated risks for all manner of cancers.

Since Dad’s death I have lost a niece to cancer and my twin brother has been treated (so far successfully) for colo-rectal cancer.  I have no idea how much money has been spent on the early detection and treatment of the various types of cancer; I don’t know if we will ever eradicate this threat to our health, but I doubt it.

Several days ago I saw some images posted on Facebook of a friend from my brief association with Go Realty who had been diagnosed with and was battling leukemia.  The last I’d heard from her (or anyone at Go) was that the treatment was succeeding and she was improving.  Seeing her image, I assumed that she was in remission and was looking forward to seeing her again.  Then, while travelling with another of my Go friends, he told me that she had died.

Apparently the images were posted as a remembrance of this wonderful lady and I had misunderstood that until Tom had told me and I began to read messages on Facebook about her death.

I HATE cancer!

“He who testifies to these things says, ‘Surely I am coming soon.’ Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!”

Revelation 22:20 ESV