As my brain s-l-o-w-l-y recovers from the trauma of the surgery of last week (as I write this, 1 week ago I was still in the OR and would be for several hours for the initial stage of the DBS surgery last [the 12th of February]), some tasks become easier.  The Bridge Church, where Kathy and I worship, had listed a position, Pastor of Discipleship, and I was thinking of applying when the surgery intervened and pretty much shut down my ability to do much but mumble and shuffle.      I knew my time was limited and had prayed about it and expressed my interest; the rest was up to the Great Physician and whether he knew this was a position for me for now.

Today, February 19th, I felt enough ‘connections’ had been made in my brain that I could proceed with the application and so had gathered (electronically) my resume, references and a letter of intent (painstakingly typed out and corrected) and had saved all to a file to download once I arrived at The Bridge Church.  As I am still not able to drive, Kathy drove (she did not know about my preparations, only thought we were going to drop in to chat about the position.

We entered the office, and I asked about the feasibility of applying only to be told (very gently!) that because the applicant pool had been fill, the position was no longer listed.

Now I’ll be honest, I did feel disappointment.  It was a lot of work for this dinged brain of mine to put all that together (especially on my phone!) but overriding that was a wash of RELIEF!  I don’t know if I’m cut out to be a point man, but as I told Christina, I DO look forward to ‘holding the towel’ or helping in any fashion whomever the elders of The Bridge Church selects for this position.  My prayers will be with them in the coming weeks as the process moves forward.

From the beginning of my walk with Christ, even while in prison, I have felt my place was in a supporting role, not necessarily in leadership.  Over and over again this has been emphasized in a variety of ways, and this seems to have confirmed it.  I love discipling others younger in the faith, but not as THE point man for the Community.  My ‘thing’ in the parking lot (once I get over my Attilla the Hun act with help from my so-called Padawan Tyler[ a work in progress that perhaps the scrambling of brain cells will help?}) has helped me to really enjoy welcoming folks to The Bridge Church.  In a small way, through this service, God enables me to be a bridge to The Bridge Church and no matter the weather I hope I can reflect His Light and Love to all even as I ask them to park somewhere else.

Servant; as my King washed the apostle's feet, can I do less?  I love my calling as a doulos.
 
The journey continues…

Where do I fit?

Is there a place for me where the talents that God has given me can be of use to the local church as well as the community?

How do I discover where that place is?

I thought that with the position at Coastal Horizons, all the above had been answered.  It seemed a perfect fit and I rejoiced that the opportunities for witnessing combined with serving a population that was often treated as modern-day lepers was a calling from heaven.  My first few weeks were rough ones as my insecurity (am I the only one who is lost in the maze of acronyms and language everyone else uses so casually?) and fear had me almost pushing many (most?) of those there away from me.  It was hard for me to trust anyone or to depend on what I was told; sadly, I began identifying with the clients more than my co-workers.

After several counseling sessions with supervisor staff over this, it seemed that my focus was shifting.  One client however seemed rather adept at getting inside my head and managed to get me to do almost anything she wanted to the detriment of the other clients.  Amazingly, I would justify it in different ways, but really there was no justifying it.  The end result was that I was fired for cause and, at age 67, found myself unemployed with little to no prospects.

As with throwing away a career as a nurse and paramedic; having done the same with a possible career with Coastal Horizons, I really had no idea what to do or where to look.  When The Bridge Church announced they were looking for a Pastor for Discipleship I did, for a time, think about that.  Perhaps were I ten years younger that would be a possibility, but hopefully there may be something else I can do to help whoever is selected to fill that role?

At this point I just am not sure.  With the surgery coming up and the uncertainty of that (yeah, having holes drilled in my skull isn’t something I am looking forward to, or wires threaded into my thalamus for that matter…wonder if I’ll be able to pick up any radio stations?).  This specific procedure has been done hundreds of time with few incidents, but there is Mr. Murphy and his bloody Laws.

That is part of it, isn’t it?  Perhaps this uncertainty is wondering if there will be a need to be concerned about needing to find something to do after February 12th…

As with this world and the craziness that seems to have taken control of it, the only real comfort I can find is that my King is still on His throne.  Just so, whatever happens on February 12th (or any other day), I am his child and, as Moses put it so well;

“The eternal God is your dwelling place,
And underneath are the everlasting arms.”
                                    Deuteronomy33:27

The journey continues...