I've been here before; it’s no big thing really, just somewhat disheartening to know that my search (which really never really ends) will continue. Thankfully between Kathy’s full-time salary and my pitiful Social Security payment every month, we are able to live comfortably in our new home and I do enjoy being a house-husband (to an extent). My volunteer activities with the USO-NC, Our Children’s Place and Orange County Partners to End Homelessness provide me an outlet for my energies that are not expended elsewhere. Still, there is restlessness and not just about finding a Job; there is something else stirring within my soul that is hard to put a finger on.
I’m not content to sit idle; idleness drives me crazy (some of you who know me would add an –ier to that), but considering my efforts to date to find work, my ‘looking’ may seem as yet another exercise in futility. That perhaps is part of the something else I’ve alluded to in earlier blogs; when you try and nothing works, to keep plugging along with the expectation of anything different happening is, at least according to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity. So, recognizing that I am behaving in what Professor Einstein would consider an insane manner, I start my search for a Job, not in any real hope of finding a business owner who can overlook my felonious past, but because having the extra income would be nice, and such search is required for me to file for unemployment.
I don’t like asking for unemployment, not only because it does push me to more actively search, but because I feel it seems to be taking time from this something else and I would not want to get so enamored of my search (or any Job that could result from it) that I neglect or overlook what may be a new direction my King wants me to embark upon. Your prayers would be appreciated, to be honest not so much for a job, but that this something else will be clarified whether it is, in fact, the direction He wants for me or just a pipe dream.